Wow it’s already been a whole year since I moved to my hometown of Elkton, Ky. Does that mean I can’t call myself a recent college-graduate anymore? I could make a list of people, wise, encouraging, and brilliant people, who encouraged me to run the other way. If I’m being honest, most of them heard the struggle and stress in my voice when I looked for validation to move anywhere but home. They encouraged me in the way they knew best, pushing me to bigger and better things! Bigger and better aren’t adjectives of small town life, that is for sure. They’re adjectives for the life I dream of. That probably explains why when the summer of 2016 came around I looked for an opportunity to do something, not wanting to get stuck in the boundaries of 181 and 68/80 but also not wanting to neglect a opportunity to serve Jesus elsewhere. NYC seemed like biggest and best in comparison to what I had done before. What a big way to serve Jesus? The city also seemed like a place with the greatest need, bonus points there. Enticing and full of undiscovered territory, it beaconed my young heart.
Now I need you to know I have been wanting to do big things for Jesus my entire life. Since I’ve known him, and read about the big things he empowered his kids to do- I’ve wanted a piece. I’ve created dreams of all kinds, built plans and organized curriculum, you name it, I’ve probably built a website for it at one time or another. Church-planting in Brooklyn, Ny seemed glamorous enough to be summer-plan worthy. I mean, I wasn’t saving babies in Africa or researching life-changing medicine, but I was gonna have a lit instagram following. I’d obviously be lying if I told you my sinful heart didn’t initially want to spent nights under the brooklyn bridge for me.
Living a glamorous life on social media is incredible in the moment. I got over 200 likes on photos in a mere 24 hours and for this homeschooled, popular-wannabe, that was accomplishing something. I’ve always pushed myself to do crazy things involving travelling and submerging myself into different cultures. NYC could just have been another exhibit in a large gallery. Don’t get me wrong, I was there for the adventure, but I was there for what Jesus was doing too. Church-planting is a wild ride of planning and raising support and serving people, people who have no context of a healthy relationship with Jesus, and have only corrupt views of what the local church is. It is an honest to goodness mess. I was intrigued by such a mess, being loyal to the church I grew up in since birth and spiritually led in a home with two, still married, believing parents, I was certainly an outsider. I wasn’t unfamiliar with the typical mission trip mantra of mentally telling yourself you’re there to save those who are lost and feed those who are hungry. I had the rhythm down pat and I didn’t miss a beat. I’ve always been a go getter, a hard worker, the last one to leave and the first to jump in to help. I can thank my parents for that trait. I was just simply out of my norm.
At this point I’m rambling, justifying, and revealing the deep truth you’re probably figuring out. I went to NYC to conquer it all by myself, as a grown up! And I went to NYC to get away from my hometown. Oh Tarshish.
Don’t think for a minute that Jesus didn’t make my dreams melt away as soon as I arrived. I loved the city. I loved the people and the culture and I loved the way they always reach for better. When the church planters asked me to stay, I was ready to sign a lease and find a boujee job taking the train to Manhattan every morning and night. What a life, what a social media platform, what a dream. But after returning from a crazy adventurous summer, Jesus broke my heart for a different city. Rats! I wanted NYC. I was ready to sacrifice living close to my family! I’d already planned out the decor for my future apartment, I’d made friends with people staying in the city, I’d read books to encourage my not-so-convinced heart that doing something is better than sitting still. I was ready to be a church planter in a cool new place. But that small town, you know, the one with the town square country music songs sing about - I couldn’t get away from it. A city with one stoplight, a few small restaurants and a plethora of farmers and teachers. A city I know like the back of my hand was nothing I wanted as a recent college graduate. Jesus deepened my understanding and broke my heart for my hometown. So naturally, I applied for jobs everywhere else. I would not give in. Definitely not Elkton. Definitely not me. A single college graduate, looking to do big things, I couldn't possibly be meant for Elkton.
After a call from my family business and a whole lot of Jesus shutting doors every other place, here I am. Through interview processes in other states I was eager to get out of this town and ready for big things. If you know Jesus, the peace He gives is like the spade in a hand of cards. You’re defenseless against it. Without it, you’re just tossing cards, playing games with no real purpose. After a season of feeling that way I surrendered to the peace Jesus gives. This small town life granted me the peace I was yearning for. My stubborn heart bought a house, and a puppy, and decided to sit a spell. Jesus took my dreams and transformed them into coffee dates, hard family conversations, loyal friendships and a combination of other small daily opportunities of grace.
Erin Napier says, “People say small towns aren’t cool, they’re wrong,” and as corny as it sounds, small towns, college towns, big towns, towns of all shapes and sizes have something to offer. Just as this very season you’re in has something to offer. I am learning to value discipleship over a once a year short term trip. I am learning Jesus meant for the church to be more focused on the daily discipline of knowing Jesus and helping others know him. My heart has shifted and the doors were closed and I sit here today thankful for a messy, unpredictable, unplanned season of small things.