Two years ago, today, I was preparing to host a gathering of friends for a Christmas party on Fairview Drive. I remember each detail, down to the descriptive name tags detailing each grinch-ish dessert. Who hash, who pudding, and even a rice crispy Mt.Crumpit were served. The obsession with the Grinch started early for me. Traditional Christmas movies with delicate stories of ladies and nutcrackers never quite hit the spot for my family. As a Jim Carey lover, How The Grinch Stole Christmas was the most watched movie every Christmas. I can quote each line without fail. Bringing my closest friends together to watch the movie, and eat scrumptious desserts was a no-brainer. The eve of finals week was celebrated well in that sweet college house, like a dream you don't want to wake from. Looking back I can see such joy in the hours spent with friends during my college years. I was gifted the ability to welcome people into my home, to prepare a space for authenticity and friendship among different social circles and friend groups. I learned so many valuable lessons through gatherings in college.
The distressed truth is this, when I look back on my life and the people I have met and the stories I can now share, I see a mess. I see an uncontrollable, disorganized, mess of people and places and memories. I feel the weight of the mess when new friends ask simple questions because I feel that I must explain the details and context of every answer. I feel like a young fourth grader who has just vomited all of her feelings onto her crush on the playground. Gah. It's truly a terrible mess to explain here in these sentences. Two years ago I greeted mess gladly. You've got problems? Come on in. You need an ear to listen? Have a seat. But since then, the mess of everyday life has become an overwhelming feat. I feel frozen under the mess, the mess of what to decide and when and where to live and how and what to do and with who to do it.
As we enter the Christmas season, an attitude of overwhelming, burdensome, mess, is not one that is very welcoming. It is however, one that I often take on. The end of the year is racing toward us and the need to finish everything fully is tapping on my shoulder constantly. It has almost been one year since I graduated from college. I have not yet climbed to the top of the corporate ladder, what will the world think of me?
Gratefully, I know Jesus greets mess. He ultimately received it. He runs toward it seeking not to organize or displace it, but to transform and engage it. He is not afraid of getting dirty in the process. He does not evaluate the opinions others may or may not have. His primary focus is the person, the soul, the heart of the mess.
So, as I re-start the journey of blogging about life and home, and life at home, please be patient with my wondering mind. Give grace to the mess I am, and if you would like to accompany me, you're more than welcome to pull up a chair. I'm greeting mess and perfection wholeheartedly, in my home, in my social circles, and in my everyday life.